The Chris Bourque Experiment

The Pittsburgh Penguins have been to back to back Stanley Cup Finals. In this time frame, the franchise has undoubtedly gotten bored. Honestly, there's really nothing to get excited for in the regular season anymore when your team has been to Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. An overtime point against the Islanders was cause for a parade three years ago, now it is cause for complete apathy. Who even knows that there is a Penguins game on today at 2 versus the Islanders? If Martin Biron is in net, it will only look like he had no idea there was a game going on. So, the Pens have decided to engage in a few pet projects here and there. They already have been well documented. Trying to keep Eddie Johnston alive, saving the last remnants of Paul Steigerwald's hair, paying off the FCC so Bob Errey won't get in trouble for saying pickle-stabber, and the Michel Therrien Rosetta Stone experiment. The most fool-hardy and challenging project has been trying to turn Chris Bourque into anything resembling a National Hockey League player. It has failed miserably.




















Sometimes, father just ain't like son. If Chris Bourque's name was Chris Smith, he would be playing throwaway games up in Rochester. It boggles the mind that the Penguins organization seems so absolutely hell-bent on getting this kid playing time when he has shown not one ounce of talent. Even during the broadcast, Steigerwald and Errey go to great lengths to defend this guy. Who can forget the yawning net that he completely missed against Martin Brodeur and the New Jersey Devils? Steigerwald chalked it up to Bourque being at a bad angle. If a bad angle is being two feet away from a wide open net with a puck on your stick, I better go back to Geometry class. I don't care if the Penguins have to pry Kevin Stevens away from snorting coke every other day, this franchise needs a winger that will ensure that Bourque is either sent to the minors or commits suicide from sucking.

There are two assurances that I will make about Bourque right now.

1. He will never score a goal in a Penguins uniform.
2. He will undoubtedly score a goal against the Penguins with another team.